In a sudden, the feelings of mine become so emo, dull, moody……… and this causes me to keep wondering why it acts in such a way. The feelings just like a glass of cocktail, everything seems to be mixed together but I got an uneven mixture…… went up and down drastically in my brain. Wow, can’t stand it anymore. Then in the mist of this chaotic, I happened to be awake by a snap. And finally, I had identified what is the cause of all of those miserable feelings.
It is all about the reminding facts from the talk session I had with Shaun last night. It was a long and meaningful sharing with this friend of mine which we never had in past a year. Really appreciate that moment. And, through that sharing I just realized how far and how long I have been in this changing world. Although it is just 19 years, and it has been the first unforgettable 19 years of mine. All these years become dramatically fleshing back into my mind. Every single of scenes turns crystal clear back to my memory. It too, compacts every hard work I have done in order be I of today. However, it also reflects to me the journey will be in the future.
Consequently, an image come so clearly and took the lead of all to flow into my mind. Pause! It is the image of my mom. I can see all the images of her swiveling around my mind. And, its have shown an indescribable feeling towards me and all I can do is just mumbling without any word from my lip. What is that damn strong power resulting me to act so?
Refreshing! It is the love from a mother, or the mother love. This unshaven love had accompanied me for 19 years. Yet, sometimes I over look this love and never appreciate it. Maybe due to her position as a teacher who has many principles to follow, so I used to become rebellion towards her in order to escape from her surveillance. (In silence). I still remembered the time she caned me with her rotan and the sound of the caning still can be heard sharply. I was so angry and hatred towards the situation. And always asked myself, why she always put me into that kind of situation? Why my friends’ mom didn’t do anything bad towards their children? Why my mom needs to act like that? Why is she so different?.......and hundreds of ‘why’ had been asked during that time. Until once, I had disappointed my mom so deeply, and I happened to know how to answer back the entire ‘why’ questions I used to ask. (In dullness). At that moment, my ambition had broken down into pieces, just like a breaking glass. And only at that time I come to know the whole meaning of a proverb of Chinese which says beating is loving and scolding is caring. It simply means that, when our parents use physical punishment (beating) and mental punishment (scolding) logically is to care and love us more, not they want us to suffer from them.
I become so shameful towards my parents. I have owed them. And, out of a sudden I understand all these while why my mom was so strict towards me which I never take into account. Recapping! I still remembered the disappointed looking face and the speechless moment of my mom, and how displease she was in that time. But, what is done cannot be undone; this is what she had told me after that incident. She didn’t scold me for that and in my surprise was, she comforted me instead wanted me to do well in the future. Then, don’t know why my cheek suddenly got moisture, uncontrollable tear drops had moistened my face. I cried.
From then, I keep a promise to my self which states that I shall not repeat that incident again in my coming days. And now, I still keep it and forever, i will.
Mom, if you happened to see this page. I would like to say sorry for the past and also thank you for everything I had today. And last but not least, I love you, mom, before, now and forever. God bless you.
Besides that, I would like to dedicate this song to my mom and all the mothers in this world, ‘Mama’ by Il Divo.
It is all about the reminding facts from the talk session I had with Shaun last night. It was a long and meaningful sharing with this friend of mine which we never had in past a year. Really appreciate that moment. And, through that sharing I just realized how far and how long I have been in this changing world. Although it is just 19 years, and it has been the first unforgettable 19 years of mine. All these years become dramatically fleshing back into my mind. Every single of scenes turns crystal clear back to my memory. It too, compacts every hard work I have done in order be I of today. However, it also reflects to me the journey will be in the future.
Consequently, an image come so clearly and took the lead of all to flow into my mind. Pause! It is the image of my mom. I can see all the images of her swiveling around my mind. And, its have shown an indescribable feeling towards me and all I can do is just mumbling without any word from my lip. What is that damn strong power resulting me to act so?
Refreshing! It is the love from a mother, or the mother love. This unshaven love had accompanied me for 19 years. Yet, sometimes I over look this love and never appreciate it. Maybe due to her position as a teacher who has many principles to follow, so I used to become rebellion towards her in order to escape from her surveillance. (In silence). I still remembered the time she caned me with her rotan and the sound of the caning still can be heard sharply. I was so angry and hatred towards the situation. And always asked myself, why she always put me into that kind of situation? Why my friends’ mom didn’t do anything bad towards their children? Why my mom needs to act like that? Why is she so different?.......and hundreds of ‘why’ had been asked during that time. Until once, I had disappointed my mom so deeply, and I happened to know how to answer back the entire ‘why’ questions I used to ask. (In dullness). At that moment, my ambition had broken down into pieces, just like a breaking glass. And only at that time I come to know the whole meaning of a proverb of Chinese which says beating is loving and scolding is caring. It simply means that, when our parents use physical punishment (beating) and mental punishment (scolding) logically is to care and love us more, not they want us to suffer from them.
I become so shameful towards my parents. I have owed them. And, out of a sudden I understand all these while why my mom was so strict towards me which I never take into account. Recapping! I still remembered the disappointed looking face and the speechless moment of my mom, and how displease she was in that time. But, what is done cannot be undone; this is what she had told me after that incident. She didn’t scold me for that and in my surprise was, she comforted me instead wanted me to do well in the future. Then, don’t know why my cheek suddenly got moisture, uncontrollable tear drops had moistened my face. I cried.
From then, I keep a promise to my self which states that I shall not repeat that incident again in my coming days. And now, I still keep it and forever, i will.
Mom, if you happened to see this page. I would like to say sorry for the past and also thank you for everything I had today. And last but not least, I love you, mom, before, now and forever. God bless you.
Besides that, I would like to dedicate this song to my mom and all the mothers in this world, ‘Mama’ by Il Divo.
"Mama"
[Verse 1]
Mama thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times I forgot
[Verse 2]
Mama remember all my life
You showed me love,You sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed along the way
[Bridge]
And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where
I am because of your truth I miss you, I miss you
[Verse 3]
Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong
Dry your eyes
[Bridge]
[Verse 4]
Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed
Along the way
And I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama
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